Archive for February, 2012

So this morning as we were surfing through the hundreds of channels on our television trying to find something that would fill that Sunday morning lazy feeling – we happened upon a show about being a mistress.  Now these weren’t just any mistresses these were celebrity mistresses.

I sat quietly through as much as the show as I could but when one of these women told us that she was comfortable with who she was and what she did – I had to get up and walk away.  To think she felt her life was perfectly normal going from affair to affair with no concern or compassion for the turmoil she may have left in her wake almost made my head explode.

I’m no angel – and I’ve made my mistakes in my life – some I’m not particularly proud of and quite frankly some I’m not comfortable with. I’ve made my apologies where I felt they were necessary and I’ve walked away from people and situations that were not healthy on many levels. Still – I hurt people who were totally innocent because I was selfish. The thing is – I learned from these mistakes and didn’t make them again.

I question why don’t women care more about other women than they do?  When you sleep with a married man – do you not understand that you’re hurting another woman?  Oh yes, the man is cheating on his wife, but what are you doing?

What I don’t understand is why the women who are having the affair don’t understand the anger of the cheaters wife.  The man cheats on his wife – he leaves his wife for his mistress – he marries his mistress – and the new wife, his ex-mistress, doesn’t understand the anger of the ex-wife and his children, if he has children.  Seriously? You don’t understand? Personally I believe the ex-wife has the right to be angry and bitter and hateful for the rest of her life.  She wasn’t only betrayed by her husband – she was betrayed by another woman.

The world shouldn’t be about who comes out on top – so to speak! You marry someone because you believe they will be honest and faithful in all things – especially when it comes to sex. There is nothing more personal than sex. Nothing that leaves you more vulnerable, more emotionally raw than sex.  And nothing will hurt you more when you know the person you share your bed with also shares another woman’s bed. If you don’t have that honesty – that intimacy – what exactly is it that you do have?

And why do women take that intimacy away from other women? And – if he cheats on his wife what makes you believe he won’t cheat on you? And how can you cheat with the husband of a woman who is your friend? Does the sex matter more than the friendship? Will the man and his penis be the thing that comforts you when your world falls apart or will it be the love, compassion and friendship of the women in your life? Why don’t we put more emphasis on that bond between women? Why don’t we respect that more than we do?

The show this morning about the Celebrity Mistress was a mockery of marriage, and a kick in the face to faithful women everywhere. I just don’t understand that sort of disrespect women have for other women.

I suppose the next thing will be the Mistress Idol show with married men judges and a married celebrity waiting in the wings with a single red rose for his conquest!

And it’s “the gays” who are ruining marriage…

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I wonder why it is we just can’t let people be. Let them be who they are – live where they want – worship whatever God they chose – or don’t worship at all – marry the person they fall in love with – live where they want…

I don’t understand this about Americans, I really don’t.  Why would anyone believe they have the right to tell another how they must live? Why do Christians honestly believe that what the God they worship and the rules they follow should be the law of the land that holds hundreds of other religions?  What makes them so arrogant?  Oh yes – I know Christians believe they hold the answer to everlasting life through Jesus The Christ – but…  does this give them the right to make laws that affect say a Jew or a Muslim or a Hindu?  No, of course it does not.  It gives them the peace they need in their lives – it gives them the laws they feel they must follow to be a good and faithful servant of God – But… put that into The United States Constitution?  Of course not…

This country was founded because people wanted freedom – freedom of and from religion.  People still want this.  For the love of your God – just live  your life as you see fit – and let people be.

And what exactly is it that men fear about women? Yes, men fear women – this is why they focus so much on taking things away from us.  They don’t want us to have power – in government – in religion – in the home – in the workplace – and especially over our bodies.  Hence the need to have the power over birth control.  Men want  – no – they are obsessed with having sex and anything related to enhancing said sex – Viagra, Cealis, whatever – will be made freely available and covered by insurance. However, when a woman wants to protect herself from said sex her options are not so readily available and are not to be covered by Insurance. In a mans world I know this makes perfect sense, but through the eyes of women – this makes no sense on any level. You know as well as I do if a man could get pregnant – birth control, abortions and any other matter of contraception would be legal, readily available and covered by every insurance policy in the nation.  Men and religion should not be the only prerequisites for making laws regarding women and access to birth control.  Again I ask – Why are men so afraid of women?

And this whole gay marriage debacle… Again – I have to ask why do people believe they have the right to tell another person who they can marry? This is not a religious debate – it’s political – and religion has no place in politics. Marriage is a civil service between two people who love one another and want that love to be validated by their State – its nothing to do with religion.  People who get married by a justice of the peace or a judge are no less married than those couples who get married in a church. Marriage itself is not a religious institution.

People who are homeless or have lost their jobs don’t care who is gay and who isn’t – they want jobs and a place to live. We need to focus on the things that matter in this country and the fact that gays and lesbians want to marry the people they love and have that love validated is not something this country should be obsessed with.  We should be obsessed with creating jobs and fixing the infrastructure of this great nation.  We should be obsessed with education and healthcare for everyone – not just those who can afford it.  Teachers should be a priority in this election – not making women and gays and lesbians feel less than. I don’t understand people. I really don’t. All this hate and angst for what?

I’ll tell you for what.  For sex and religion. It’s the American way…



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I was doing some shopping last night and I was pondering which kind of bread I wanted when these two women descended on the bread aisle and proceeded to give those of us who were shopping a little show.

The one woman wanted to purchase a package of those little donuts for one of their daughters and was asking the woman with her which kind it was that the child liked.  I gathered from this little bit of information that these women were a couple, doing a little shopping for their family. The donut question turned into an argument as the woman who was asked about the donuts went into this loud speech about how buying donuts for this daughter would turn her into a “fat little princess just like her Mom.”  Granted the woman asking about the specific brand of donuts could stand to lose a pound or two, but the one who made the comment was not god’s gift to the world of beauty – if you know what I mean. It went from there into personal slurs and accusations and quite quickly the conversation turned mean and ugly and quite uncomfortable for those of us who just wanted to purchase some bread.  These women were vicious, and didn’t seem to care who heard the details of these life together.  I got my bread and I moved on.

Why do people stay in relationships that aren’t healthy? Obviously – these two women weren’t happy together, so why do they stay? Do they not have enough self-esteem to move on? Do they somehow think this is what they deserve?

I moved away from the fighting lesbian couple and made my way to the coffee aisle.  While looking over the coffee selection – I heard a women trying to explain to a man who was obviously her husband that they didn’t have the money to get what he wanted.  He wanted to know what happened to the $50.00 that they had gotten as a refund from something, and she was trying to tell him that it hadn’t been credited to their credit card yet – He said – and I quote: “I know how this shit works – I’m not a dumbass. What the hell did you spend the money on?”  Then he pushed the cart into her and stomped away like a little boy. And he doesn’t believe he’s a dumbass? The woman was embarrassed , but it was quite clear that this was something she tolerates on a daily basis as she straightened her shirt and pushed back her shoulders and moved her cart on down the aisle.

Again – why do people stay in relationships that aren’t healthy? I can only imagine how much better that woman’s life would be without that constant barrage of negative trash being thrown at her. I can only imagine what a confident woman she could be, instead of the sad, beaten woman I saw walking away from me.

It’s not an issue of gay or straight – the feelings are the same – the emotions are the same.  Love, sex, hurt, anger, laughter, tears – it’s all the same.  Why do people stay with another when they aren’t happy or fulfilled or loved?

And finally, why – oh – why do people fight in public?  I didn’t need to be drawn into either one of those feuds.  I wanted bread and coffee – I didn’t need to know about the fat little princess and the dumbass, but now that I do – I have to wonder… how are they all doing this morning, and did that little girl get her donuts?


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Do you think we well really ever address the issue of alcohol in this country? Ever?

Does it say nothing to you that when watching an NFL football game we have to endure commercials that sell us beer, drugs so men can have erections, and whatever a woman in a bikini can sell. Is this what’s required to watch football? A beer and an erection?  I’m just asking…

I understand the draw of alcohol – I also understand the demons that come from alcohol.  I’ve been a part of the collateral damage that comes along with alcohol – and from experience I can tell you the damage never really goes away.

We need to not glamorize alcohol – we need to speak openly and quite frankly about what can happen when alcohol – in any form – takes over your life.   For those of you who believe you don’t have a problem when you put away a 12 pack of beer during the 3 hours the football game is on because “it’s only beer” well – beer is alcohol.  For those of you who think that downing a bottle or two of wine at dinner is perfectly normal – well – wine is alcohol. If you can’t get through the game or through your dinner without it – well – you might just have a problem.

Alcoholism isn’t the vision you have in your head of the drunk of the street with the cheap bottle of whiskey in the brown paper bag.  It’s the folks who have to have their wine everyday just to” take the edge off” – it’s the folks who just have a beer or two or three to “unwind” – if you drink every day of the year – you might want to ask yourself why.

Alcohol – in any form – is its own drug.  For those who are prone to addictions – it’s the perfect drug of choice.  It’s social – it’s accepted – and in some cases it’s demanded of you to be able to enjoy life fully! “Come on – one drink – it won’t kill you.”  The thing is – it can kill you. If you become addicted – it will kill you. Slowly, but it will surely kill you.

I’m not some tea-teetotaler on a soapbox – I’ve done my share of heavy drinking, and I still like my shot of whiskey on occasion. I’ve had my own glass behind the bar where everybody knew my name and I’ve gotten behind the wheel of my car when I had no business even opening the car door. I was lucky – I never hurt anyone.  I did my share to help Jerry Lewis and his Kids by drinking my way through the Labor Day telethon – and I’ve donated my fair share to the San Diego Padres and Chargers respectfully by drinking their $9.00 beers at the games.  I’ve embarrassed myself at family functions and said some pretty hurtful things to others when fueled with that liquid courage!  Sadly – I wouldn’t remember what I had said – but some wounds have never healed.

Thankfully – those days of more than one drink are over for me.  My family faced some major trouble a few years ago all fueled by alcohol – and that prompted me to look at my life and stop the cycle. I saw firsthand what alcohol can do and how it can ruin lives and families. When I realized that family genes were not on my side when it came to the battle of addiction – I knew it was time to stop before I ruined my own life.  I will on occasion enjoy a shot of whiskey – but – it’s rare.

There needs to be a discussion in America about alcohol. An open, honest, non-glamorized discussion about what can happen when that one glass of wine or that one beer becomes an addiction. If we’re going to sell it – there should be warning labels, and there should be literature about alcohol addiction in every liquor store in the country.  In every grocery store shelf that has alcohol – there should be literature warning you what can happen.   In every commercial there should be a warning about what alcohol can do to your body.   How many more people have to die before we get it?

Perhaps the girls in the bikinis could make a commercial warning of the dangers of alcohol. We could show it in between the commercials for bud light and the erection drug!

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It’s been over a week since my last post. As much as I wanted to keep my daily blog promise – I just couldn’t do it. It’s too depressing!

See – the headlines aren’t just headlines to me – some of the headlines are my life.  They aren’t words on a page – it’s what I live day-to-day.

I don’t need to watch a video of a lesbian couple being treated badly in a restaurant only to discover that it’s a TV show wanting to see how people will react when they are treated badly. I don’t need to watch it because I’ve lived it. If we focused more on making things right for people instead of setting up a tv shot – how might that help those of us who are not given seats or seated by the kitchen door or not served warm food or any of the other myriad of things that have happened to Susan and I in restaurants.  How about we stop pretending and just go out and speak the truth?

The whole Prop 8 thing here in California has taken a toll on me.  First we could get married – then – we couldn’t – now – we can – but we really can’t because it’s still tied up in court – We’re not cattle – we’re human beings with feelings and we are deserving of dignity and respect – like every human being.

The election fervor is as bad as I thought it would be – and it’s only February. I tuned it out – I stopped watching and reading and writing.  It’s despicable what these people will say and do to get a vote.

My faith in our entire election process has eroded to almost nothing. All this money being spent – on what? If these Super-Pacs can spend millions on one vote – imagine what our country would look like if they would spend the millions on helping the homeless or food banks or education or jobs. Imagine what that would look like!

And the attack on women in this country?  The whole birth control issue makes me wonder if women will ever be considered as equals, and how that fight for equality will never be over as long as religion tries to keeps women in their place – so to speak!

I’m just tired of all the poo.  I want us to start caring about each other and about the things that unite us, not the things that keep us all apart.  Elections tend to bring out the worst in people, Republicans, Democrats, Independents, whatever… They all lie and cheat and treat each other with such disdain that I wouldn’t trust any of them to actually do the right thing – in any circumstance.

Besides – it’s not about doing the right thing – I don’t think it’s ever been about doing the right thing. It’s about money – who has it and who wants it.  That’s American politics…

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I’ve taken a few days to digest the whole Susan G. Komen for the Cure debacle. I didn’t want to jump into the fray without at least reading all sides of this shameful story.

I can smell politics a mile away, and this story smells of Republican, Evangelical – Anti-abortion poo.

For those of you who agree with the pulling of funds for Planned Parenthood I simply want you to answer any of the following questions:

  1. Have you ever had to rely on Planned Parenthood for any of your health needs?
  2. Have you ever visited a Planned Parenthood facility to see what they really do?
  3. Have you ever spoken with someone who relied on Planned Parenthood for their healthcare needs?
  4. What do you use for birth control and how would you feel is someone stepped into your life and took that birth control away from you because you weren’t following their specific religious or political view?
  5. Do you talk with your children about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases? Do you supply condoms?
  6. How do you feel about cutting off funding for poor women to get breast screenings? You okay with that?

The facts, as they slowly come to light, are not pretty.

It starts with Republican Congressman Cliff Stearns. An anti-abortion Florida Republican, Stearns started an investigation into Planned Parenthood to try to learn if they (Planned Parenthood) have used public money to provide abortions.

The story continues on with Karen Handel.  Ms. Handel ran who ran unsuccessfully for Governor of Georgia has been quoted as saying “I am staunchly and unequivocally pro-life. I believe in the sanctity and inherent dignity of human life, and I will be a pro-life governor who will work tirelessly to promote a culture of life in Georgia…. I believe that each and every unborn child has inherent dignity, that every abortion is a tragedy, and that government has a role, along with the faith community, in encouraging women to choose life in even the most difficult of circumstances…. since I am pro-life, I do not support the mission of Planned Parenthood.” [Karen Handel Campaign Blog, 7/15/10]

And knowing all of this – Susan G. Komen for the Cure hired her in April of 2011 as their Senior Vice President of Public Policy.

The story ends with Susan G, Komen for the Cure adopting a new rule that states they can’t give money to a group under investigation by a government body – Congressman Cliff Stearns – so funding is pulled for Planned Parenthood – Karen Handel.

Just so you know – the money given to Planned Parenthood by Susan G. Komen for the Cure was used only on Breast Screenings  and education  on breast cancer –  both parties agree with this.

It’s not a puzzle with missing pieces – Ms. Handel had a mission and Susan G. Komen for the Cure gave her the means to complete her mission with little regard for the innocent folks who simply want the services offered by Planned Parenthood.

Merriam-webster.com defines charity as follows:

     1: benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity
     2a : generosity and helpfulness especially toward the needy or suffering; also : aid given to those in         need
       b : an institution engaged in relief of the poor
       c : public provision for the relief of the needy
     3a : a gift for public benevolent purposes
       b : an institution (as a hospital) founded by such a gift
     4: lenient judgment of others

It is my opinion that Susan G. Komen for the Cure can no longer call themselves a charity, and I will no longer support an organization that is so blatant in its disdain for the rights of all Americans. It’s shameful – it’s political – it’s poo.


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