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Archive for the ‘Moral issues’ Category

So, this is what our American government is now in 2017? These are our values? Building Walls, and banning immigrants and refugees at our borders. Telling the press to shut up, shutting off phone lines to the White House, which by the way, is the people’s house. Taking healthcare away from millions of citizens, telling women once again what they can and cannot do with their bodies, and so much more.  Being able to legally discriminate against LGBTQ folks is an Executive Order waiting to be signed, so; all races, creeds, colors and genders will be covered on your little trip to white, straight, male, Christian autonomy.

If you voted for the man whose name I will not utter, this is all on you. Every bit of it – it’s on you.  Then again; this is exactly why you voted for him, isn’t it? To discriminate, to alienate, to divide, to put women in their place, to rid your world of LGBTQ folks (that would be me), and you did it all in the guise of Making America Great Again.

I’m ashamed of you – all of you.

What you failed to even comprehend when you cast your bigoted vote for this man, is that when bad things happen to me, they are also going to happen to you. Unless you’re in the top 1%, you are going to suffer along with all the people you voted against. All those folks you wanted gone, and wanted to suffer, well… you’re going to suffer right along with all the rest of us.   So, good on you for voting against your own best interest.

Again, I’m ashamed of you – all of you.

You know you’re not patriots, right? You know you’re just racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, misguided, gun-loving folks, right?  Hillary never said she was coming for your guns, you just didn’t want a woman telling you what to do. And her evil emails… You do know that your president and his staff are now doing the same thing, right? Of course you do, but you don’t care, because you’re making America great again.

I’m ashamed of you – all of you.

We are not now, and we will not be united under the reign of this little, little man and his even smaller minions. It’s hard to unite folks when you’re throwing them in the dirt and simply walking over them as you go on your way.  It makes it hard to follow someone when you are losing everything and there is no lifeline for you to hold on to.

So, we are at war. Not with another country, but with each other in our own country. On the one side are those of us who believe in the Constitution and the rights and equality of every America–  and on the other – those of you who voted for this little man who is hell-bent on taking away everything our immigrant, refugee ancestors fought for.

Good vs Evil.  Dark vs Light.

There can be no compromise when it comes to oppression.

#resist

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So, what happens after the winner is determined in this preposterous presidential election? Where do we all fit into the scope of what is now The United States of America? We’re certainly not united, nor are we even on the road to inclusion. I’m not sure there’s even a path…

Will all the meme’s and words that brought us to the point of unfollowing, blocking, restricting, and unfriending our “friends” on Facebook suddenly disappear? Will we simply just click the buttons and return to the way it was before this election brought out the worst of human nature?

For me; the answer to these questions and many more, are a real struggle.  There is family involved – family who have stopped speaking to me. Family who lectured me on doing what was best for the country, but when I made my choice, stopped speaking to me. No more discussion, no more anything…   How do you come back from that? How do you start the discussion? More to the point – is it a discussion worth having?

The thing is: A vote for Donald Trump is a vote against everything I believe is right and just in America.  He’s against basic human rights – gays, blacks, Hispanics, Latinos, Muslims, women – he’s against God-given human rights for those of us who fall into any of these categories. So, if you vote for him, you’re voting against these human beings – You’re voting against me, and millions of people like me – we aren’t just phantom people in a tweet or a stump speech. It’s personal.

Misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia, racism – you must believe in these things to vote for Donald Trump. You can try and spin it any way you want, but the truth is, if you can vote for him, then you have these feelings in your heart, and this I will never be accepting of. It’s not my vision of what I want America to be.

If you’re thinking: “I just can’t vote for Hillary” – that’s your choice.  Just don’t be naïve about who and what you’re voting for.  Own it, that’s all I’m asking.

gay & American flag

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Lately, there have been lots of words written and spoken about being an American. What makes you an American, what your responsibility is as an American, how to act like an American.  You’ve heard the remarks; you’ve seen the headlines.

Not putting your hand over your heart when the star spangled banner is played, not standing and facing the American flag when said song is played, and folks getting all upset because these people aren’t acting like the “real” Americans want them to act.  These “real” Americans write all sorts of vile comments telling the non-flag wavers, non-star spangled banner singers to leave the Country. Like they have any right to tell them anything.

The thing is – being an American is having the freedom to do all of those things.  Just as these “real” patriots have the right to spew their beliefs, those folks not standing or singing or taking off their hats or putting their hand over their heart – they have the freedom to do so – it’s their right under the Constitution. You may not like it, but this is what America is.

Being an American isn’t just about waving a flag and singing a song.  Being an American is about respecting everyone’s right to not wave the flag or not sing a song.  It doesn’t make them any less of an American, it just means they aren’t what you expect an American to be. And therein lies the rub.

It’s not about who they are – it’s about who you are. We love to tote the Freedoms:  Religion, Speech, Expression, Guns. And we love to love to speak of our rights: to vote, to protest, to own homes and watch whatever we choose on television, to wear whatever clothes make us comfortable, to listen to whatever music soothes our souls, and on and on and on.

But, as soon as someone does something we would never think of doing – then they aren’t an American, and they need to leave the United States.  Do you not see how ridiculous that is? Everyone born in the United States of America has the same right and freedoms, everyone.  Sadly, not everyone has the same opportunities, but they do have their Creator-given, unalienable rights. (Read the preamble to the Declaration of Independence)

Let’s stop worrying about the things that don’t matter.  Just because someone might not wave a flag doesn’t mean they don’t love their country. And just because they don’t sing a song doesn’t mean they aren’t a patriot.  It may simply mean that they aren’t happy with the way things are in their country at this point in time.  It may simply mean that we are all supposed to have the same rights under that flag, and it’s obvious that to them we all don’t, and this not standing or singing or whatever – is their form of protest. It’s not about you – the world does not revolve around you and your beliefs. The United States of America is filled with all genders, all religions, all political parties, all matter of people from sea to shining sea. The one thing we all share is our individual freedom.  It’s the most important thing – this freedom.

Not waving a flag or singing a song is the least of the problems we face as Americans at this point in time. Donald Trump has unleashed the – build the wall – lock her up – ship them out – hatred that we now must deal with.  These gun-toting, flag waving, hate-mongering fools who want to “Make American Great Again” who have forgotten that America is not just about the white men-folk.

As is their right to voice their “make America great again” opinion, it is my right, No, it is my duty, to voice my “America is already pretty great” opinion in opposition to their nationalistic point of view.  America is an inclusive nation, not a nation of wall builders. Do things need to be changed and tweaked and started anew?  Of course, but ostracizing millions of people is most certainly not the answer.

It all starts with me and with you. I may not like someone turning their back on the flag, but I stop myself and think that I don’t know their story. I don’t know from where they came and why they feel so apart from everyone. Perhaps if I knew, I’d understand – so I don’t judge, and I certainly don’t tell them to leave.

I’m a white woman raised in a small rural town in the 1950’s that didn’t allow blacks into town after a certain hour – How can I possibly understand the life’s journey of a black woman born and raised outside of those town limits?  I can’t – so I don’t even pretend that I do. It’s not for me to judge, it’s for me to understand that her version of freedom may be different than mine, and to understand that she may not have the same affection or respect for our nation’s history as I might.

I’m also a lesbian, so I do know a little of how it feels to be judged and set apart from the rest of society. I’ve not been served in restaurants, I’ve been ostracized from family, I’ve been called every derogatory name one can think of; And still, I believe in the goodness of America.

It’s about respect and understanding. It’s about inclusion not exclusion. It’s about freedom – for everyone.  It’s about the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution and ALL its Amendments representing every single American citizen. You can’t pick and choose who gets what – every citizen is entitled to every single right, every single amendment, every single Freedom.

Waving the flag doesn’t make you an American – respecting the right of someone to not wave the flag – now that – that makes you an American.

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When the top story on my news-feed is about how different Renee Zellweger’s face looks – I know it’s time to shut all my electronics off and try and have myself a zen moment.

Is this really who we’ve become? Is this truly who we are as a people?  We don’t write or talk about curing cancer, we don’t write or talk about the struggles with Alzheimer’s, we don’t write or talk about how we are still at war – and our soldiers are still dying.

We don’t write or talk about how children in the United States of America go to bed hungry, go to school hungry, and live every day, hungry.  I’m not talking about another country here – I’m talking The United States of America…

We don’t write or talk about the inequities of the American people – but we will write and talk about who is to blame for these inequities that only seem to exist in the minds of the dreaded “do-gooders.”

Elections in this country are no longer about who is the best person for the job. They are about who has the most money, and who is willing to do the best job at trashing their opponent.  They are no longer “free” elections when millions of people are prevented from voting because of redistricting or photo ID’s or some other form of “poll taxing.”

But – our free press is not writing or talking about these things. These things don’t sell papers or magazines.

The people who write and publish – well, they only write and publish the things that make them money.   You know – Renee Zellweger’s face, and Kim Kardashian’s buttocks.

When did we stop caring about one another and what we will leave for our children and our children’s children?   When did it become more important that the Giudice’s are going to jail than a child going to school hungry? Seriously – when did entertainment overtake caring about our own humanity?

Personally, I don’t believe my grandchildren’s children will care about the face of Renee Zellweger. It may be more important to their survival that the air is clean and the water is safe to drink and people still have a moral code that doesn’t revolve around how one looks, but rather revolves around how one treats others.

Just sayin…

kindness matters 1

 

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1-IMG_0090-001This morning I stood in line for about 4 hours with approximately 1000 women. There were men there – maybe 100 or so – the rest were women. Women of all sizes and shapes and color and religion and status and age – we all stood, without complaining, waiting our turn to meet Hillary Clinton.

There are some moments in our lives that define us – for me – this was one of them. I’m 61 years old and I finally understood why there are men who don’t particularly want women to be united. I finally understood why men didn’t want women to have the vote and why there are men still don’t want a woman to have any voice when it comes to our own bodies.

It’s because – Women who are united – on anything – are strong and powerful and know in their hearts they can facilitate change.

This is why men want to keep women down. This is why they hit them and alienate them and keep them “barefoot and pregnant.” Not all men – but some men – they just don’t want women to have any power or know that they could even have the chance at any power or self-respect.

I’m not bashing men.  I know there is this belief that lesbians hate men – trust me when I tell you – that’s not the case. I enjoy the company of men – well – most men.  I have men in my life whom I simply adore. I find them sweet and funny and they value the women in their lives.

But – I also have men in my life who absolutely do not value women – any women. Women who have strong opinions – women who are smart – women who have power, they especially don’t like them, and I find these men hard to understand and hard to have any sort of relationship with. Go figure…

The thing I noticed most in my 4 hours of bonding was that we all wanted the same thing – freedom and peace.  We all agreed we were are tired of war and death and yes – guns…

Is that a liberal thing – the not wanting guns? I honestly don’t know – but I know that the women with whom I had the pleasure of spending time with this morning are sick of the guns being worn over shoulders and on belts while we’re being told it’s for our own protection. We all admitted that we thought twice about coming to this book signing for fear that someone with said gun slung over their shoulder would come and take a whack at we crazy liberals wanting to see Hillary; the Benghazi killer!  We also all agreed that if we had stayed home – the gun-slingers would have won, and that wasn’t going to happen – not on our watch. So there we were.

We talked – as women do – about other women. We wondered why any women would vote against their own best interest – and why women just can’t seem to find the strength to stand up for one another.  Some of the questions we asked one another were:

Why would a woman vote for a man who wants to control where you can get birth control? And how do we help her see that this is her right as a human being to be in control of her own body? How do we educate women? How can we help one another? How do we unite and how do we learn how to treat one another with respect? It starts with each one of us – respecting one another enough to leave the men out of the equation. Women need to respect and care for one another – period.

These women made me understand that perhaps television shows such as The Housewives of OC and NYC and NJ and anywhere else – were to blame for how we see each other as women.  My partner Susan, has told me this for years, and now – finally – I get it.  These women certainly do not treat one another with any respect – and I get that I shouldn’t find it entertaining – I should be offended. Scripted or not – these women are not what we should aspire to be and certainly not an example for our daughters, granddaughters, nieces, or any of the women in our lives. The 80-something woman who asked me just what it was I got from those shows was quite pleased with herself when I had nothing to give her as an answer. And when she asked me why I watched – again – I had nothing – and again – she looked at me with raised eyebrows – I knew she was thinking: “Well then – why are you watching?”

What I also got was the thing that united us this morning was Hillary Clinton. We all had our own reasons for being there – but in the end – it was all about Hillary. Maybe we all see ourselves in her in one way or another; Perhaps we’ve been betrayed by a man that we love, or betrayed by a woman we thought was a friend with the man that we love, or maybe we are ridiculed by the men in our lives for trying to be strong and independent thinkers, maybe it’s waiting for the birth of your first grandchild – and maybe – just maybe – we simply aspire to make the world a better place by living our best life.  A life of service – a life of choice, a life of caring for one another.  Perhaps these things are some of what we see in Hillary Clinton.

So – Thank you Hillary – for leading the way – for showing women what we can be – what we should be – what we will be. And thank you to all the strong, loving, caring, powerful women who shared those 4 hours in line with me on Girard Ave in La Jolla, CA this morning.  It was inspirational – to say the least…

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Those of you expecting a celebration sort of post from me about the death of the “God Hates Fags” Fred Phelps – will be disappointed.

Perhaps it’s because I spent so many years being angry and running from my lesbian self that I just can’t muster up any ill-will for his death. Also, those of us who have lost our Fathers – no matter what sort of man they may have been – we still grieve. Fred Phelps leaves children and grandchildren to clean up his mess – and this – many of us can also understand.

He was an angry, hateful man, who spent his entire life not knowing what peace and happiness was.  I don’t know what happened in his life that filled him with so much hate – but I find myself feeling sorry that he never got to experience pure joy. It’s sad to me that his life was built on the hatred he had for people he didn’t even know.

The thing is – I don’t believe he planned on his hatred uniting so many, and bringing more love and understanding and acceptance of those “fags” that he hated so very much. In some sick way – I feel like I need to thank him.

As far as his resting in peace – I believe he has a whole lot of ‘splaining to do before he finds any sort of peace – no matter where his soul has gone.

Live your life – celebrate who you are – be happy – feel joy – show love…

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Any of you ever struggled with an addiction?  Tobacco, alcohol, pills, food, sex, drugs, caffeine, sugar?

Any of you know anyone who has struggled with an addiction?

If your answer is yes, then you should understand how addiction affects families, friends, and friends of friends. It’s far-reaching and the damage slides down the hill quickly and lasts a very long time.

You should also know that stopping the addiction is not as simple as saying:  “just stop doing it.” It’s so not that simple. So not that simple.

Any of you ever been abused? Sexually, emotionally, physically, verbally, financially, mentally?

Any of you know anyone who has been abused?

If your answer to either or both of those questions is yes – then you should understand the struggle – the fear – the shame – the damage.

You should also know that there is no time limit on how long one will struggle and to tell someone to: “just get over it” and “move on” is so not the answer.

I don’t understand the level of ignorance and hate that have come along with Dylan Farrow and her letter about Woody Allen and the drug induced death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

I don’t understand the lack of thought process that goes into the people who have written comments and blogs calling these two people any name they can think of.

Dylan Farrow is a human being trying her best to live in a world that has treated her unkindly and a man who abused her on many levels – and continues to abuse her on many levels. If you have been abused – you understand and you would never comment. If you haven’t been abused – then quite honestly you have no right to judge her or speak ill of her.  None of us really have that right for none of us know what happened when she was 7 – or what is happening now.  Woody Allen isn’t beyond reproach – not then – and not now. 

Phillip Seymour Hoffman died of a drug overdose.  The demons in his head won the battle – and Phillip Seymour Hoffman lost his life.  If you’ve ever been addicted to anything – you know of what I’m speaking of when I speak of the demons and you probably would not make any comments. You are probably sitting quietly nodding your head in mournful understanding thanking whoever and whatever you believe in that it wasn’t you dead in that bathroom with the syringe in your arm – or a bottle in your hand – or pills – or whatever…

For those of you who are perfect and have no vices and have lived a life that has not involved a struggle of any sort – I ask you to have compassion and understanding.  Practice the whole “cast the first stone” thing and when you have the desire to write or comment on anything – do so with kindness.  You don’t know how or why a person is where they are in their life. You don’t know their journey – you don’t know what they have been through.

We don’t practice enough kindness. We like to cast those stones and throw those comments and blast the lives of people we don’t even know. 

Look in the mirror and then decide whether or not you really should speak.

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