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Archive for January, 2013

I’m sorry, I don’t understand all the fuss about Jodie Foster and her alleged “coming out” at the Golden Globes last evening. Gay writers and bloggers are angry that she didn’t come out 15 – 20 years ago; she could have done so much for the gay community, blah, blah, blah…

I don’t understand this whole philosophy that exists by some in the gay community that doesn’t tolerate any sort of weakness when it comes to gay celebrity.  This whole thing that says if you’re gay, and you’re any sort of celebrity, or have any sort of power, it’s your responsibility to pave the way for every other gay person in the world.

I don’t believe its Jodie Foster’s responsibility to make my life easier. I don’t believe it should be the job of any celebrity to make my life easier. Their job is to make me laugh or cry – you know – entertain me. What they do when they go home is absolutely none of my business.

Every gay person has a coming out story. It’s private, it’s personal, and it’s not to be judged by anyone. How can any one person judge the journey of another human being without sounding snide and just a wee-bit arrogant?

There was no way I could have ever come out before I did at the age of 50. I don’t believe that makes me a coward – I just believe it was my life, my circumstances, my choices. I knew the moment I made the decision that my life would most surely change, people would judge me, and I would never again look at the world through the same eyes. It’s scary, and it’s probably the loneliest I have ever felt in my life.

It’s not as easy as just saying I’m gay. Once you say it – your life changes. The way people look at you – changes, the way people speak to you – changes, the way people treat you – changes, basically – everything changes. You instantly become one of the “other,” one of the freaks, one of the queers, one of the “those kind of people.” I can understand the years it may take to have the courage and the strength to face all of that.

Even after one makes the life-changing choice to “come out” we all don’t want to stand on a soap box and preach, or shove our gayness into the faces of the non-believers. Some of us just want to live a life of truth – our own truth. Some just want to live a quiet life of dignity and respect filled with the love of friends and family who know who they are and love them unconditionally. Those who choose the road of privacy deserve the same respect as those who choose the road of activism.

For in the end, isn’t everyone who has made the choice to come out made their own statement to the world?  Haven’t they changed the world just a little by speaking their truth?  We should celebrate Jodie Foster and her courage, just as we should celebrate each and every gay person who has the courage to say: Hey world – This is who I am…

Now go and hug on each other…

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I’m not a person who makes New Year’s Resolutions – I never make them, because I never keep them. It always seems like a great idea, whatever it is, and by the end of January – I’m over whatever it is I promised myself I would do, and then I’m down on myself and whatever good I thought I could do has been replaced with anger and disappointment in myself. Who needs that?

My philosophy for the days ahead is to simply take care of myself – Physically, emotionally, spiritually… It’s all about balance and love and peace.

With that in mind – I’m going to try – mind you – I said try – and stay away from negative people whenever possible. You know the people I’m talking about. It’s those who are always spewing angry words and angry thoughts about everything from politics to why the grass isn’t green. Nothing in their life is right, and everyone else in the world is to blame. They are forever picking fights, they take responsibility for absolutely nothing and yet – they have all the answers.

You can’t talk to people like this – and honestly – why would you? They produce all this negative energy and you can feel it the moment you get close to them – have you ever noticed how the mood of a room full of people changes when one of these negative forces enters into the room?  The room becomes dark and filled with angst.  I’m going to avoid these people whenever I can. It’s not healthy and it’s not who I want to surround myself with.

I was raised in a family who loves to dwell in the past. I don’t know why, but they love to live in; who did what to whom, and why, and when, and how, and who said what, and did you know, and did you hear, and do you remember when, and she said what?  Nothing is ever forgotten and the bad things seem to always be the focus. These things are passed from generation to generation and we are told that we don’t like someone because of something that happened 50 years before I was born. Seriously – this is just sick.

I don’t want to be a part of this anymore.  I don’t want to be a part of a conversation that starts out with: “Did you know…” or “Did you hear…”  Unless the story is upbeat and a story about the good of this person – I’m going to try to avoid the conversation. If I don’t, then I am as much to blame for the negative forces in the world as everyone else.

Yes, I understand that life sometimes put us into positions where avoiding these people is impossible, but I also believe that we allow ourselves to be manipulated into believing that we can somehow change these people or as I often found myself thinking – I could “save” them. In trying to save them, I was the one who was verbally, emotionally, and occasionally physically abused. It never ended well, and the person I thought I could save, had changed who I was forever.

Some people simply don’t want to change, and they are simply – who they are. Accept them for that and make up your own mind about how much time and effort you want to put into a relationship with someone who is such a negative force in the world.

The world is hard enough as it is, why surround yourself with people who only look at the negative side of everything and take no responsibility for anything?  Why would you want to be with people who push your buttons and take delight in taking away your spirit?

I ask myself these questions all the time – and finally I have had the courage to walk away from several of these negative forces, some family, some friends – who it turns out were never really friends, and some acquaintances. I finally just said: “I’m done.” And you know what? The world didn’t end when I said I was done, and life has most certainly gone on – certainly with less drama and most certainly with me feeling more in control of my life.

Life is short – far too short to not be happy and content with who you are and what you give to the world. Be a force for good and walk away from that which does not nourish your soul…

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