Archive for February, 2014

This morning I found myself reading a poem call “The Waking” by Theodore Roethke.  I not only read it – I read it over and over and over.

… I wake to sleep and take my waking slow.

I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.

I learn by going where I have to go.”

… “I learn by going where I have to go.”  Think about this for just a moment.  To me this is saying that you can’t learn before you set out on any journey – You have to set out on the road that is your journey and learn as you go where it is you are supposed to be going.

So many times the journey’s we take in our lives are not ours.  They are our parent’s journey or our spouse’s journey or our children’s journey.  We believe we are happy and yet there is that nagging feeling in the back of our mind and that little ache in our heart that maybe – just maybe there is something more.

Of course there is more – more for us to learn because we haven’t gone where it is we have to go. There’s more for us because we haven’t done what it is we have to do – we haven’t lived our life – we haven’t walked our path. As long as we have breath in us – it’s never too late to begin the journey.

Some of you might be thinking – but Barb, I have no idea what it is I want to be doing… I don’t agree – I believe you do know.  I just believe you’ve spent so many years telling yourself you can’t do whatever it is – that you have chosen to not listen to that voice in your head and that aching in your heart.

I understand that Mothers want and need to raise their children and any thought of doing something for yourself is not even on your radar – but one day – those children will be gone and you will be wondering what it is you’re supposed to be doing. At some point your children will need to stand on their own and learn how to survive in the world and they will learn by going where they have to go and learn along the way.

And isn’t that what we all must do – mustn’t we all go where we have to go and learn along the way?

I lived almost 50 years of my life going where I was most certainly not supposed to be going. I was going where I knew my parents wanted me to go – it was the path that was expected of me and the only thing I learned was how to lie and cheat and be grossly unhappy. I hurt people, I hurt myself. I was most certainly a lost soul.

The moment I started going where I had to go – everything in my life changed. I’m still learning – but I’m learning as I go where it is I have to go.

No one – absolutely no one – deserves a life filled with anger, hate, despair, angst and no love. It’s not where anyone is supposed to go. You may believe there is no way out – but as long as you breathe – there is always – always a way to happiness. You have to believe you deserve it – you have to believe it’s yours for the taking – and then you have to take it.

… “You learn by going where you have to go.”

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Any of you ever struggled with an addiction?  Tobacco, alcohol, pills, food, sex, drugs, caffeine, sugar?

Any of you know anyone who has struggled with an addiction?

If your answer is yes, then you should understand how addiction affects families, friends, and friends of friends. It’s far-reaching and the damage slides down the hill quickly and lasts a very long time.

You should also know that stopping the addiction is not as simple as saying:  “just stop doing it.” It’s so not that simple. So not that simple.

Any of you ever been abused? Sexually, emotionally, physically, verbally, financially, mentally?

Any of you know anyone who has been abused?

If your answer to either or both of those questions is yes – then you should understand the struggle – the fear – the shame – the damage.

You should also know that there is no time limit on how long one will struggle and to tell someone to: “just get over it” and “move on” is so not the answer.

I don’t understand the level of ignorance and hate that have come along with Dylan Farrow and her letter about Woody Allen and the drug induced death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

I don’t understand the lack of thought process that goes into the people who have written comments and blogs calling these two people any name they can think of.

Dylan Farrow is a human being trying her best to live in a world that has treated her unkindly and a man who abused her on many levels – and continues to abuse her on many levels. If you have been abused – you understand and you would never comment. If you haven’t been abused – then quite honestly you have no right to judge her or speak ill of her.  None of us really have that right for none of us know what happened when she was 7 – or what is happening now.  Woody Allen isn’t beyond reproach – not then – and not now. 

Phillip Seymour Hoffman died of a drug overdose.  The demons in his head won the battle – and Phillip Seymour Hoffman lost his life.  If you’ve ever been addicted to anything – you know of what I’m speaking of when I speak of the demons and you probably would not make any comments. You are probably sitting quietly nodding your head in mournful understanding thanking whoever and whatever you believe in that it wasn’t you dead in that bathroom with the syringe in your arm – or a bottle in your hand – or pills – or whatever…

For those of you who are perfect and have no vices and have lived a life that has not involved a struggle of any sort – I ask you to have compassion and understanding.  Practice the whole “cast the first stone” thing and when you have the desire to write or comment on anything – do so with kindness.  You don’t know how or why a person is where they are in their life. You don’t know their journey – you don’t know what they have been through.

We don’t practice enough kindness. We like to cast those stones and throw those comments and blast the lives of people we don’t even know. 

Look in the mirror and then decide whether or not you really should speak.

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