This morning I found myself reading a poem call “The Waking” by Theodore Roethke. I not only read it – I read it over and over and over.
… I wake to sleep and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.”
… “I learn by going where I have to go.” Think about this for just a moment. To me this is saying that you can’t learn before you set out on any journey – You have to set out on the road that is your journey and learn as you go where it is you are supposed to be going.
So many times the journey’s we take in our lives are not ours. They are our parent’s journey or our spouse’s journey or our children’s journey. We believe we are happy and yet there is that nagging feeling in the back of our mind and that little ache in our heart that maybe – just maybe there is something more.
Of course there is more – more for us to learn because we haven’t gone where it is we have to go. There’s more for us because we haven’t done what it is we have to do – we haven’t lived our life – we haven’t walked our path. As long as we have breath in us – it’s never too late to begin the journey.
Some of you might be thinking – but Barb, I have no idea what it is I want to be doing… I don’t agree – I believe you do know. I just believe you’ve spent so many years telling yourself you can’t do whatever it is – that you have chosen to not listen to that voice in your head and that aching in your heart.
I understand that Mothers want and need to raise their children and any thought of doing something for yourself is not even on your radar – but one day – those children will be gone and you will be wondering what it is you’re supposed to be doing. At some point your children will need to stand on their own and learn how to survive in the world and they will learn by going where they have to go and learn along the way.
And isn’t that what we all must do – mustn’t we all go where we have to go and learn along the way?
I lived almost 50 years of my life going where I was most certainly not supposed to be going. I was going where I knew my parents wanted me to go – it was the path that was expected of me and the only thing I learned was how to lie and cheat and be grossly unhappy. I hurt people, I hurt myself. I was most certainly a lost soul.
The moment I started going where I had to go – everything in my life changed. I’m still learning – but I’m learning as I go where it is I have to go.
No one – absolutely no one – deserves a life filled with anger, hate, despair, angst and no love. It’s not where anyone is supposed to go. You may believe there is no way out – but as long as you breathe – there is always – always a way to happiness. You have to believe you deserve it – you have to believe it’s yours for the taking – and then you have to take it.
… “You learn by going where you have to go.”