The Art of Maturing


I got an email this morning from my ex-husband.  Whenever I turn on the computer and see his name in the in-box, my heart stops for a few seconds. See – We rarely speak and when we do it isn’t always pleasant or mature. Sometimes it’s just down-right childish.

But this morning he wrote to tell me that his Father had passed away last evening. He just thought I would want to know.  My emotions surprised me as I was sad – very sad – at the news. His Father was sweet and funny and always made me smile.  He had nick-names for everyone, but he could never come up for one with me. That should have been some sort of foreshadowing that the marriage would never work!

I shot off an email back telling him how sorry I was – and that his Dad had always made me smile, and I thanked him for telling me.

He emailed me right back telling me that his Dad had been ill and that it was a blessing of sorts – and he wanted me to know that his Dad had always liked me.

I sent a message back to him telling him that even if it was a blessing – it was still his Dad, and I told him not to do his strong man imitation – to just feel however he was feeling and be okay with that. I told him I’d be thinking of him – and I most surely will.

The thing that I get this morning is that my ex-husband and I have this thing… We’re friends. Underneath all the crap, away from all the noise of the world – we care about one another. We had been in each other’s lives for over 30 years before we divorced and as hard as one tries – one cannot run from history. It will follow you… everywhere.

This morning, my ex-husband needed his old, familiar friend, and I was there for him. I found I didn’t want to be snarky or pissy or condescending. I wanted to make him smile and remember happier times, and give him some sort of comfort. I hate to say it; but I think I’m maturing!

The next conversation may be childish and not pleasant at all, but this morning – this morning  we were old friends giving comfort to one another – remembering a kind man who made our lives just a little better by being a part of it.

Rest in Peace, Pop.

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About barbaraweicksel

My home is San Diego, CA - a most beautiful city. Mountains to the East, Pacific Ocean to the West, and the desert in between the mountains and the ocean. Beauty everywhere, but... The world is full of beauty, and I do love to travel. what I hope to share on these pages are my thoughts and some photos of the world as I see and experience it. I'd be happy to have you along on the journey - and then join me while I'm at home...
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2 Responses to The Art of Maturing

  1. Another defining moment in life – mature, meaningful, sincere and caring for the ex-husband who was a integral part of our former life.

  2. Nancy Cory says:

    That took a lot on your part to be the better person, but I must tell you that in my situation it would be hard to continue to “be the better person”. My ex-husband and I were married 22 years, have 2 adult kids, and I was at one time very close to his parents. Through out the whole divorce process, I was the better person, did not stoop to his level (private investigators, accusing me of threatening to shoot him, (found not guilty) etc.
    I found out that he never actually discussed our divorce proceedings with any of his family, I am thinking because he didn’t want them to know how low he “stooped” on various occasions, but to him it became a “war” battle, and whoever won was the winner. He treated it like an actual competitive game and to triumph as the winner at all costs was his goal.
    To this day he refuses to answer any emails from me, refuses my phone calls (which are few as possible but with 2 children it is hard not to discuss certain issues such as health insurance) and he is just showing me how much of a sore looser he is. I cant wait until one of the kids get married,it will prove to be interesting to say the least and he doesn’t realize but it is the kids who he is make suffer, not me.
    I had all intentions from the beginning (of the end) to be civil and communicate with him because at the time the children were younger and both still in high school, but he wanted no part of civility, especially after I didn’t accept his offer of doing the divorce ourselves without attorneys because I am sure he would have screwed me royalty which I would not have known any better.
    So, in closing, yes, it is great for you that he is being mature. Count yourself lucky that he has taken the high road.

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