January 2, 2012 – Are you hurting you?

Here is aquestion for you to ponder on this second day of our Share the Love project…

If you havesomeone in your life who is never there for you, always disappoints you, never,ever lives up to what you expect from them, has never been the person youwanted them to be– whose fault is it that you are always hurt by this person?

I know fromexperience that it’s easier to push the blame on the other person so we cancome out on the other end appearing as the victim; the poor soul who has spenttheir life trying to live through the emotional vacuum that is this troubledrelationship.

The question I need to ask you though, is this; Is it yourfault for continuing to expect something this other person is either not ableto give you or is not willing to give you? If you continue to suffer the slingsand arrows of this relationship and the other person simply keeps happilyliving their life never changing, never expecting more – how can you possiblybelieve that the blame lies with the other person?

I spentyears blaming my brother, when in reality, the blame was really with me forallowing who he really is to hurt and disappoint me.  He never professed to be anything other thanwhat he was – it was what I wanted him to be that caused all the damage.

At somepoint we all have to find within ourselves the courage to know and understandthat some people are never going to be the person we would want them to be. Andhonestly, why would they be?  Why wouldwe think ourselves so important that a person would change who they are forus?  And if you want them to change – whywould you want to be with them in the first place? I mean – if you go into anysort of relationship thinking you’re going to change someone – you are going tobe the one being hurt and disappointed.


About barbaraweicksel

My home is San Diego, CA - a most beautiful city. Mountains to the East, Pacific Ocean to the West, and the desert in between the mountains and the ocean. Beauty everywhere, but... The world is full of beauty, and I do love to travel. what I hope to share on these pages are my thoughts and some photos of the world as I see and experience it. I'd be happy to have you along on the journey - and then join me while I'm at home...
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4 Responses to January 2, 2012 – Are you hurting you?

  1. Jan Bird says:

    very wise, Barb. It all comes down to acceptance, in the end … acceptance of others as they are, not as we would like them to be. I don't think we can have serenity or peace without acceptance. This is lovely.

  2. Savery says:

    beautifully put, barb! are you familiar with the work of byron katie? she's incredible and deals with this very subject: http://www.thework.com/index.php. watch some of the videos to get a better idea – i think you'll like it!!

  3. Kate says:

    Very precise and accurate points! I would posit further, that perhaps if no one in the relationship can accept the other person for who they are – maybe it's time for everyone to let the whole thing go. Some people just seem to be allergic to each other – could that be possible?

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